Thank You Isn't Enough
by Deadly Chakram
Summary: Xena and Ares have a talk on the beach after the events of MotherHood.


AUTHOR'S NOTE:  I am not TPTB of the Xenaverse, so therefore, I do not own the following characters or events in any way.  I'm just taking them out for a spin.  Please read and review.

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: Xena and Ares have a talk on the beach after the events of MotherHood.  From Xena's POV.  Written in response to a fan fiction writing challenge to write a scene between the two after the gods were defeated on Olympus and Ares had given up his immortality to save Xena.  Much thanks to those who suggested the challenge!!!

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**Thank You Isn't Enough**

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You're standing there in the sunlight, the little that comes through the scattered clouds of the mostly overcast sky.  The warm breeze caresses me, and the gently rolling surf seems faint and distant as I search for words.  I look out at the water for a moment, the breaking waves reflecting my own inner feelings.  What can I say to you?  I turn back around, and see Gabrielle and Eve talking to one another, alive and well.

You catch my eye, and a smile creeps over my face despite myself.  You come walking over and stop before me.  I try to speak, but the words lodge in my throat.  I try again and shakily, I am able to get them out.

"Ares," I manage and stop.

You look at me so quizzically, unsure of what I'm going to say to you.  In truth, not even I know.  I begin again.

"Ares, I'm not sure what I can say to you.  Do I say thank you for saving my daughter and Gabrielle?  Or thank you for saving me?  You gave up your immortality for us.  I don't know how a simple thank you is enough."

You close your eyes for a second and then reopen them, those brown eyes softer than I have ever known them to be.

"I….Xena, look.  I don't need the thank yous.  I did the only thing I could do.  I wasn't going to lose you.  If the only thing that I lose because of the Twilight is my immortality, then I'll be happy."

"But your family," I instinctively parry, but stop at that.

You hang your head for just a few seconds; no doubt the images of your family members flashing before your eyes.

"My family was wrong, Xena."  You speak so softly, your voice barely above a whisper, with just a hint of sadness.  "I don't regret what I've done."

I start to walk now and you follow; I want so badly to hold your hand, show some affection for you.  You did save my life, and the lives of my family – Eve and Gabrielle.  The sun is beginning to move towards the horizon now.  Already it has dropped low in the sky.  A few bold rays of sunlight guild all the world in gold.  But before I reach out to you, I hold myself back, afraid.  No, I'm not afraid of you, but of myself.  I'm afraid to let down that comfortable wall that I've managed to build around myself.  I'm afraid to let myself feel for you.

"I still don't understand it all," I finally confess.  "I still can't figure out why you did what you did.  That's not what the Ares I once knew would do."

"You're right.  The old Ares wouldn't have done such a thing.  The old Ares would have probably kicked my butt for what I did.  But as for why, I can only say that I meant it."

"Meant what?"

"Everything that I told you.  What I said to you."

"Ares, please…"

You take a deep breath before continuing.  "What I mean is…I could couldn't care less about the Twilight.  When we were up there and you were fighting Athena and for a moment you didn't have the power to kill gods…I thought I might lose you.  When I saved Eve…I wasn't doing it for her sake.  It was for yours.  I meant it when I told you that I…I have feelings for you."

You're gazing at me now, looking deep into my eyes, and I into yours.  I look for something – anything – to read your feelings by.  I see nothing but sincerity, and I feel myself trusting you, believing you.  Now you look away, looking at the surf, and gently, slowly, I reach you my hand to you.  I caress your cheek, and as I bring my palm to your chin, I lightly move your head to look at me.

"I know," I say.

I can see the smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.  After a moment, you finally let it come, and as it spreads across your face, I see you with fresh eyes.  You're right; you aren't the same Ares I once knew.  You are different, changed, and I wonder why and how such a change came over you.

The smile lights up your face, and I can't help but flash a smile of my own.  And deep down, I'm glad that you didn't get in the crossfire of this whole mess.  Surely, you'd had your duties to your family, and you tried to play the part you were assigned, but yet you still managed to distance yourself from them, never in the thick of the battle the way Athena was.  If you'd have gotten in the way…I can't even think about that.  I'm just thankful that you're alive and here. 

A silence settles between us, and I can see that you're uncomfortable, fidgeting with your foot, lightly dragging your toes through a patch of dry soil.

  
"So...," I break the fragile quiet, "what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know.  I might travel around a bit.  Maybe Aphrodite can fix me up someplace."

I nod, but I can see the wanderlust in your eyes.  I have no doubt that you'll take to the road.  But where you will go, I can't even guess.   Almost, I ask you to travel with us, me, Eve, and Gabrielle.  But I hesitate.  I can see that you need to work things out, get used to the whole idea of being mortal for the rest of your life.  I am afraid to let you go, a thousand bad scenarios run through my mind, but still I don't ask.  You need to be on your own.  If you traveled with me…you won't like it.  My lifestyle is not for you.  You may be changed inside, but I still doubt that you'd love the "Greater Good" lifestyle – traveling all over and doing good deeds.  Maybe one day you might be able to deal with that, but not now.  You're not ready for that.  And so, I dare not suggest that you come with us.  

"You better get going," you say to me now, glancing in the direction of Eve and Gabrielle.  "They're going to wonder where you got to."

"Just you let me worry about that," I say.  "Where do you think you'll go?"

You shake your head.  "I don't know.  Any suggestions?"

It's my turn to shake my head.  You're better off trying to figure things out on your own.

"Xena?  When you were killing the other gods…why didn't you go after me?  I mean, it's not like you didn't have just cause to.  After all I've done to you in the past…it doesn't make any sense."

I give an amused half-smile in spite of myself.  "No, I didn't.  What's in the past is over.  I wasn't going to hold that against you.  And besides, you forget that you tried to help me save Eve so long ago in Amphipolis.  And you of all of them didn't join the effort to kill Eve."  I stop, unsure of myself and what I might say.  "Let's just say that I have my reasons."

Again you smile.

I  look over to Eve and Gabrielle, their backs towards me, getting Argo the Second ready for the road.

"Maybe I should go Ares."

"I understand."

"Before I go…I want to say thank you again.  But somehow, thank you doesn't quite seem like enough to say."

I lean over just a bit and give you a soft kiss on the cheek.  You look surprised, but happy. "Thank you," I whisper.

"You're welcome," you half stutter out.

"Goodbye Ares."

"Bye Xena."

I turn and walk away, back up the gently sloping sand.  I can't bear to turn around to look at you.  It's unbelievably hard to keep walking, leaving you behind.  And somewhere, in the bottom of my heart, I feel afraid for you, like something bad might happen.  But I push the thought away, mount Argo, and ride off, away from the setting sun, and away from you.

Disclaimer:  No gods were harmed during the production of this fan fiction.  However, Xena's feelings of fearing for Ares turned out to be based in truth (just watch Coming Home…)


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